Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
