HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
