he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
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The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
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Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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