But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
