3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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