You made me cry and you don't even care
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
