how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
