tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
