Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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