I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
