So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
