Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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