epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i think i just lost a toe
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
