and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
