Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
What a dumb baby whore.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I deserve this hangover.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
