Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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