So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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