He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
