1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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