Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
