Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
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There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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