So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
