So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
