remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
my sisters under your porch take her home
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I would ride that face into the sunset
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
