Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
