So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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