clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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