Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
