Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
