So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
