We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
