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• (607): View more from New York

  since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.

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• (631): View more from New York

  Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.

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• (207): View more from Maine

  he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.

  (512): View more from Texas

  Wont she be proud, Hailey.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.

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• (909): View more from California

  Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.

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• (510): View more from California

  i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.

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• (714): View more from California

  I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Just start quoting WAP lyrics.

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