No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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