i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
