So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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