his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
