Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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