I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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