I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
