Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
