Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I want to fling myself into the sun
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
