he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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