Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
