you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
