I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
