Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
