I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
