So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
