Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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