i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
