I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
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Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
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The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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