I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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