note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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