You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
