The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
