I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
