I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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