worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
