Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
