dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
