I cockslap morals
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
