if i can run in heels then i can drive
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
