Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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