My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Randomize
