dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
