beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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