a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize