It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
