he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
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so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
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I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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