remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
