Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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