...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Two words: blizzard sex
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
