She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Randomize
