once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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