That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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