Me. At least after what I've been through.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
