Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
