you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
