Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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