dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
