Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
