That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Randomize
