I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
