If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
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