fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
