No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My feet surprised me
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
