I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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