I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
