Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
