I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
