just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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