Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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